Monday, May 12, 2008

The Wheel Continues

So here I sit, Memorial Union, encapsulating my title as Student with full vigor and gusto as I blog on my Macbook drinking Starbucks.  Even though it's finals week and I should be re-writing my 10 page paper, I feel the need to reflect on my semester in blog form.

The semester's been full of "issues."  Discovering God for real, re-attaching to my Catholic heritage, getting through a break up, finding a job, making plans for the summer, making an amazing friend Breezy, and struggling toward my real vocation.

The most monumental thing for me has been--and is continuing to be--deciding whether or not to major in music.  Even just typing about it now I tear up--something undefinable about how all my emotions are so tangled up in this one thing, this universal message, this movement of the larynx and vocal folds that enables my one true love: singing--that just makes me cry.  All this semester it's been a battle--The Practicalities Of Life vs. The Passions Of The Heart.  

It wasn't even like I "found" this overbearing love for music inside of me.  It's like...the beginning of this semester, it just casually was there in front of my face, an obvious thing that seemed was always present in my vision.  I mean, it wasn't even a surprise to me that it was there or recognizable all of a sudden--there was no sudden.  More of a milk in the fridge type presence.  Delicious milk of Soul Seekers.

What was the surprise for me was realizing that I could just do music.  As dangerous as it sounds to me, as nervous as it makes me---or should make me...really, all I feel when I think about doing music is the overwhelming urge to cry with relief, the relief that I will be doing something I for sure love that isn't a mediocre replacement that I have to work to love.  

I have set aside the summer to decide.

All I want is peace: peace with being Catholic, peace with Keith, peace with my job, and most of all, peace with my highest inner desires for ever-present music.  Peace with my own will.  


10 comments:

Lindsey412 said...

I promise I'm not stalking your blog.

The music major issue is scary, I know. I would really examine your passion. In my experience, music majors are only really successful in music if they dedicate their LIVES to being a musician (i.e., going to grad school afterwards, competing every chance they get...). Most of my music major friends who have graduated feel they lack the skills to get a REAL job in the real world with a degree in music. But others have done just fine. Just examine your passion in music and know that it will give you an amazing experience in your undergraduate years, but might not pave the way for your future once you're out of school. My most successful music friends have been those who have double majored in music and something else that is complimentary, like communications.

Know that you're always welcome to talk to us old folks about pros and cons of music majoring.

And I hope you understand that you're an amazing musician. No matter what you decide to do, you have a real talent and a wonderful voice!

Candace said...

oh kaitlin. you are so lucky because no matter what you chose, you're going to be phenomenal at it.

breezylucia said...

steep

Taylor said...

Oh, Kaitlin. I love you and I miss you...if you ever make a trek to homaha this summer and pass through St. Joseph, please give me a call.

Whoever Lindsay is (haha), I agree with her. Really...just do what you love. I was terrified of making the switch to photoj, and this class I am taking next semester will let me know if it is right for me. Basically, if you do switch to music and are still scared, it's normal.

Also, please know that are you good enough (more than good enough) to make music your full-time thing.

Loves.

breezylucia said...

your first paragraph is so bloggy and so collegey and i love it

dude, i'm glad i made it in your "issues" from this semester :). seriously though, i'm so grateful to have a person like you in my life, your friendship has been a blessing to me.

this is written really beautifully too, wow Kaitlin! You should change your major. ahahaha, jk... "Delicious milk of soul seekers," I hope I can quote you someday.

you know my advice/thoughts on your major major issue :)

i hope you get piece this summer

loveyou
-breezy

Matt Pearce said...

Hey Foley! I totally didn't see that you'd left a comment on my blog. I just assumed that no one reads it.

Go for the music major. This is the best opportunity you'll have in your life to try out a life in music. You might beat yourself up forever if you didn't at least give it a shot. If music's not for you, well, then, afterwards you can go and learn some vocational skills that make you useful in the "real" world. (Alan Greenspan was a music major.)

In other words, fuck the future. Gamble everything now, because you have nothing to lose. (Undergrad is damn near meaningless in this economy.) Don't wait for some epiphany to come along and make the decision for you, because it'll just be an emotional articulation of what I'm assuming you already know.

breezylucia said...

hey, did you update your blog?

Rob Bratney said...

thank you so much for reading my posts about my vacation! keep checking back! thanks again!

breezylucia said...

well hello updated blog....well, the appearance of

breezylucia said...

paul mccartney? really?

oh, you